My breastfeeding story overview part II

On the fifth day, my baby was jaundice and needed to be admitted to hospital, from home door to the ward, my baby practically attached to my breast. As she was still not settled for the UV light therapy, I reluctantly agreed to the nurse suggestion to give formula. I felt so embarrassed and defeated the moment I saw her sleep soundly in the cot after the formula. That very night, I started to feel tingling sensation on my breast and next day I found my bed wet so I quickly take my pump and happily get my mature milk of 2oz after 20mins of pumping. Then I thought my nightmare was over, I would only have to feed my baby 2-3hourly, not continuously as before, and I would have a good sleep. I even had the consultant neonatologist to teach me feed left side 10mins then right side 10mins, done. However, it turned out it made no difference. My baby was still fed continuously. However, thanks to the Paediatrician who thought me to correct latching on and how to feed lying down then I was able to get some rest. Then later only I accept the fact that its common to have clustered feeding. So I said to myself, just feed on demand. I checked my notes again, reminded that adding pumping in between feeding could help to boost milk supply. so I did that, I pump at night when my baby was sleeping. Later, when she was 21st day old, the bilirubin increased again, and need to be admitted again. As the weight was checked, her weight gain was found to be slow, less than 20g perday, even the doctor also said " is she fed enough?" My only evidence of her probably fed enough was my records of her daily urine and bowel outputs which I religiously keep track of. I felt embarrased too with a conscience that I was labelled as a mother with inadequate milk supply. While in the ward, I pumped 3 hrly, for almost one hour each time, but only able to get 1-2oz, while my baby was already drinking 3 oz of formula, I started to lose confidence, I felt myself so "dry".
After that she was discharged, diagnosed as breast milk jaundice.
When, the important day, the full moon arrived. While my husband happily inviting people and /my mother in law happily preparing, I was so dragged to celebrate the day. She was basically attached to my breast all the time, and I was too shy to BF in front of people, even if I did, what would people commented if they saw that the baby never came off mummy breast even when they left the house!? Anyhow, I managed to get through it by resorting to bottle with my accumulated pumped milk. However, I really felt tension to have visitor at that time.