Postnatal blue...

After delivering HX, I have to say that this time is different compared to when I deliver HE 3 years ago

1. Emotion
I am more stable this time, probably I already know what to expect with a newborn and what I am supposed to do. Last time, I feel like my whole world is upside down, and changes was so drastic to me that I feel hard to keep up. Now, the challenge I need to overcome is how to cope with a newborn and a toddler, other than that, they are all within my expectation. Hence, life wise, I am pretty coping well.

2. Physical condition
This is the one out of my expectation. When I delivered HE, I don't need pain medicine at all. I can walk well with energy within 12 hours of delivery. However, this time round, I really walk like a gentle Japanese women in her kimono or an ancient chinese women with 3 inch foot. If I stand longer, I can start to feel shaky leg. Really weak! I also can't really sit for long without feeling ache at my back. Is it the side effect of epidural? or its simply because my stamina drop badly after 3 years. I can also feel heaviness at the tummy area which make my movement even slower.
while on pitocin drip, I don't feel pain at my tummy area, so I thought I should be able to cope without the need of analgesic. However, on the next day, I started to feel the uterine contraction. 3 years ago, I only feel it whenever I breastfeed HE, but now, I feel the pain regularly, the pain is so intense that I am feeling I am almost back to the labour room! The pain continue for the next 3 days. I frown and almost want to curl my body whenever the uterine contraction come. According to 'What to expect when you are expecting' the pain is greater when there was previous birth or the uterine muscle is overstretched. I think both explain when I suffer the pain so badly. The pain is relieved a bit better when I have an indon to 'urut' me. There seem to have another traditional believe that the pain is due to the blood clots inside the uterus. It seem quite true, after 'urut', more blood clots are seen on my pad. There is one day, I am so frightened to see a big blood clot on day 7 postdelivery, after I feel heaviness and pain at my lower tummy area again.
Apart from that, I also experience backache and headache. the ache at my left waist area woould emerge whenever the uterine contractions and pain start. But I think massage really help, after first session, the pains were less, I walk better, sit better and physically more capable.

3. Breastfeeding
see my next post.

Frakly speaking, there are many antenatal classes teaching which normally cover baby care, pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding but many don't touch on what to expect on the changes on new mother physically and emotionally and how to cope with it. At least certain confinement myths may be discussed and what could be wrong on moms body if certain things happen. I think many moms including myself would have stopped reading further once reach labour chapter and continue reading on babycare instead. Only now, when I feel more weak and much painful uterine contractions then I flip to the chapter on postpartum to understand why, just in case anything goes wrong. Sigh...we women is really betting our lifes on our children.

Overdue Pregnancy 40 weeks + 3 days

Yup, still pregnant. Supposed to have lecture in the morning and meeting in the afternoon ( ya, I can still still be this busy), but the another lecturer is kind enough to take over the briefing as he is worried that I will be overtired. The meeting is cancelled too as other member can't make it due to personnal reason and clash with another more important meeting.

Today I still need to go through the routine urine test, weight and BP check. Urine test, as usual is normal, BP wise, increased a bit to 110/69mmHg. Weight wise, increases by 0.5kg to 77kg, but I doubt this reading as I can't really stand well on the weighing scale without my tummy touching the display screen. I try many times and the reading fluctuate between 76.5 to 77kg.

This is the only time I feel anxious for a gynae appointment. Is the cervix opened yet? Will I be asked to admitted rightaway? Is the baby still doing ok?

Anyway, ultrasound and CTG is done, baby is doing fine, amniotic fluid is still adequate. Baby is engaged now and I am glad that the cervix is opened by 1 cm ( Finally!). My gynae ask if I would like to be induced the labour by next Monday or Wednesday, I pick Monday simply because it worth more for my husband paternity leave :). But both gynae and I do hope that I will be labour anytime before that without having to be induced. Praying hard, praying hard...

I am on MC starting tomorrow and then maternity leave next week no matter what. :)

Overdue Pregnancy 40 weeks + 2 days

I am still pregnant till now. Unlike the previous weeks, I felt more tired and getting more sleepy during the days. I do feel some light contractions, or should I just call it as Braxton Hicks. However these contractions are not strong, it come and go so I doubt I will in labour anytime soon.

I am anxious. I do, even feel a bit disheartened. The waiting game is making me feeling like the day is getting longer and longer. I drag to go to work as I expect I am at home around this time and its seem pointless to start anything at work. So i just the clock goes by doing some readings and minimum routine daily work at office.

My mood is getting low. One of the thing that can help distracting me is blogging, shopping and shopping. I do hope to get holidays to go to catch a movie or even two, but I don't feel safe to drive alone now. My sis and husband can't really take leave and my mother in law is not a suitable company for movie or shopping. I am also getting more worried, as the later the baby is out, the more time I will be doing confinement alone as my mother in law will be away at 3rd week of April. Hence my mother in law could only be with me for around 2 weeks for confinement only. From my first experience, I was not quite settled until after I finished confinement.

I am counting baby movements every day. In one hour time I can already feel 10 movements already which I record between 8.30am to 9.30 am. I don't need to record further movements but it give me reassurance that my baby is still doing ok inside my womb.

Today as I read "Our daily bread", I learn that I should just let HIM rule.

Hopefully my cervix is already opened tomorrow during the gynae appointment and baby is ready to be out.

Pregnancy at 39 weeks

Frankly I hope I am at home with a newborn by now. However, I am still not in labour yet. If follow the first delivery timing, I should be in labour room by now.

Anyway, this time my record 76.5kg. I gain 1kg in 1 week time! I think it must be the food and cakes I wallap when I attend the seminar last week. My most hated urine test is even getting harder to be performed. Normal test still. This time, my gynae examine my tummy and found baby is a bit lower this time, so at least the baby is dropping. I seem to feel some stiffening and painless contraction so my gynae check the cervix opening. "Very close still" she said, to my disappointment. My cervix is just so stubborn to thin or ripe, urgh! As I am very near to my due date, CTG is performed to listen my baby heart beat to ensure that I can still carry well beyond due date ( though I hope not). After spending 20 mins, I am glad that the fetal heart monitoring remains normal.

Then we discuss the possibility of labour induction. According my my gynae, I can still stay pregnant till 10 days past due date, meaning labour should be induced if I have not delivered before 8th April. During this time, I should monitor baby movement to ensure there are 10 counts within 12 hours.

Now I am thinking of other conventional ways for stimulating the labour which I found from babycentre: nipple stimulation and "husband help". I probably should walk more like I did last time by frequent shopping. Finger cross, I pray that I will be in labour within this week...please...

HE Birth Story Part 3

The Pethidine was really making me drowsy and sleepy. I remembered my vision was a bit blur and I was weak, probably the contraction pain plus the pethidine. A staff nurse came to do the routine fetal stress test again. Each session lasted around 20 mins I think. However, I couldn't really stayed in one position, I had to turned left, then right when contraction pain started. When the nurse came, she found the test result was abnormal suggesting that the fetal could be in distress now, so she wanted to run the test again to confirm.
However, this time I felt that there was a strong force pushing downwards. I told the nurse ( I tried to recall the malay words that I used to describe but I really couldn't remember). Then she called in a few more nurses, one of the experienced nurse touched my tummy and asked me if something was pushing down. I said yes. Then she checked the cervix opening, it was 2.5cm wide (in my mind: huh!, after such long hours of suffering). All of sudden, everything was happening in a rush ( I think, it was not because of the opening but the pushing force). The nurse quickly put me on a wheel chair, and wheeled me to the lift. On the way, they kept telling " don't push...don't push..." and I kept saying " I don't want to but its pushing, its pushing!". The 'arguement' continued till I was put on the bed in labour room. They checked the cervix opening again, I remembered the nurse said 4 cm. I really hold on the voluntary pushing, the involunatary force really pushed strongly.

Finally my gynae came, she checked the opening and counting " 5, 6, 7,8,9, ok!" I was put in semi sitting position with my thigh lifted up. "Push!" I could feel the contraction force coming, I took a deep breath and push......while exhaling. After 2-3 attempts, baby head should be crowned but not out yet. My gynae put in a urine catheter and empty the bladder and asked me to push without hesitation ( as I probably was holding back due to some bowel movement too :P). So I pushed 2 more times, finally the head was out, another push! then I could feel the baby slipped out and being put on my tummy. I was so happy! and even tried to calm the crying baby. My hubby then was passed the scissor to cut the umbilical cord. Then I had to push another time to let the placenta out with little effort. Then the nurse took the baby and showed the private part to me and asked " what baby is this?" "girl" I answered. ( This reminded me a joke which in some cases, the mother may answer, baby cina, malay or indian, ha!)

After the cleaning and weighing ( HE birth weight was 2.91kg), baby was put into my arm again. I could see this little girl was already curious withe outside world, her eyes was opened and looking here and there. I put her to my breast and the breastfeeding journey began...

Pregnancy 38 weeks

Another week has gone, and I haven't delivered yet. I do hope that I get to attend the motherhood expo this Friday and the seminar this weekend. My gynae also will only be around during weekday, otherwise another gynae will attend to me should I deliver.

My weight today recorded 75.5kg, 0.5kg less compared to last week. According to the doctor, it meant that I will be delivering soon. Hope that will happen 4-5 days later. Although I seemed to have lost some weight, the expected baby weight increased to 3kg.

However, the nearer it is to my due date, the more work I seem to get. Just today, I have meeting the whole morning, then student teaching the whole afternoon. Then I receive a letter today to attend another meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have tried to pass over all the tasks to my colleague but some still need my presence and follow up.

Lets hope everything goes smoothly and well. I pray that the delivery will be much easier and less pain this time. No jaundice in baby anymore please.

HE birth story part 2

My gynae came to check on me. still 0cm opening. As I had stated that I wished for no IV access, hence she put in the pitocin into my vagina. So far the fluid was still clear hence we still can wait. After that, I did feel a little bit contraction and discomfort but not quite pain yet. I lied on that bed, bored, flipping the same magazine over and over again. 2pm, my gynae came again. Still 0 cm! The cervix was so stubborn! Second pitocin was inserted again. Fluid remained clear (phew, otherwise I had to go for C-sec).

However, everything remained the same when my gynae came 2 hours later. Hence, my gynae tried something different, half tab of another drug was inserted. I was advised to take a jab of antibiotic, Augmentin as my water broke for around 12 hours since then, without this prophylaxis, the baby would likely to be kept hospitalized after delivery due to risk for infection. At the end, I had no choice but had a branula attached anyway.

The drug was indeed a strong one. Within half an hour, I came to know what was labour pain! I hardly have mentrual cramp, but this was the worst mentrual cramp alike pain that I had ever experienced. I could feel the muscle at the pelvic area being pulled to the side! Pain! I couldn't and refused to take dinner. When my mother in law came, she scolded my hubby for not feeding me ( poor him :)) Then she asked me to breath in and breath out whenever the pain came but don't shout. It did help! Thank God that the contraction pain was in a all or none pattern. When the pain came, I would breath in and out steadily. When the pain was gone ( for 1 minute or 2 only though), my mother in law would feed me some rice with soup. Thinking back, I had to be thankful to her cuz the food would give me energy to push later.

Around 6pm, gynae came to check on me again. This time there were some cervix opening (finally!). i thought such great pain would merit a great opening, however, it was merely 1.5cm ( what?!). She offered pain relief and I agreed to take IM pethidine as the contractions was really painful and I couldn't tell how much longer I could bear it on my own. However, what other experienced mothers said were true, pethedine couldn't really help, instead it made you feel drowsy. However it also made me slept through, that somehow helped me to bear pain while having some sort of rest.

Pregnancy 37 week

My legs were not swollen throughout the last pregnancy unless I had walked alot and stood for too long.
However, this time roound, my legs already look swollen even during second trimester, and it got worse just 2 days before reaching 37 weeks. Sometimes I can even feel some mild pain. After 2 days of swelling, it has subsided as I check just now.
Anyway, my gynae follow up become once a week now. My gynae doctor couldn't get a clear view of my baby face shape as the baby is facing my spine. Hence the scan picture are mainly tummy ( I think). So far my BP are ok and urine test is normal too. Today my weight record is 76kg! (Hopefully it increase slowly and won't reach 80kg at time of delivery). Estimated baby weight is 2.7kg.But Dr says the actual weight can be higher. I do hope so as bigger baby is easier to be taken care, but provided the delivery can be easier.

HE birth story part 1

Its getting near and near to my EDD for this second baby.
I remembered I was crazily going shopping everyday 1week before my EDD for HE. The EDD was supposed to be 7th May, so few days before that, I had many public holidays from Saturday till Wednesday.

One day before the delivery, I managed to catch the latest movie of Spiderman 3 and shopped at One utama till 9pm. I didn't need to get up to pee during midnight when I was having HE. However, on that very night, around 4 am, I needed to get up with urination urge, then I felt a gush of water between the leg! Quickly I went into bathroom, and the pinkish fluid just flow, not containable with pad at all. As what I read from book, I was supposed to wait till there was contraction and frequent enough before going to hospital. Hubby and me waited for the timing, but I could hardly felt and sense any contraction at the tummy. I took a bath ( while still could before being prohibited after delivery). Around 6 am, I decided to sms my gynae and asked her if I should go to hospital despite no contraction. Unexpectedly, rightaway I received her reply and asked me to go to hospital at once!

While at the PAC, a male doctor came to attend to me. Though feeling really shy to have male other than my hubby to assess that part, what to do. " 0 cm" he said " you didn't pass motion before coming is it?" he sounded scolding rather than just asking( In my mind, I thought that doesn't matter anymore?"), plus emotionless despite a new life was coming! Another MA who was also going to be my massage lady during confinement also came to see me too, she touched my tummy and said " hm...will come out very soon?" ( Was she trained for that?). After doing the fetal heart test, I was asked to do urine test and weight again ( 70kg if not more, couldn't remember exactly, but for sure touching 70kg).

As there was no opening yet, I was admitted to ward first. It was around 7 plus am. One thing I missed packing into mama bag was reading material, I was so bored in the ward and got nothing to do, there was nothing much good TV programme to watch at such early morning also. No wonder patient got depressed more as they stayed longer in ward, it felt like purposeless. There was no contraction felt still till 10 am.

Pregnant lady is forgetful?

I needed to post a document by post express today. So I photostated the documents and got prepared. . When lunch time came, I quickly grabbed my bag and went. Half way through, I realized that I left my handphone at office drawer and I couldn't remember the address nor the phone number of the receiver as it was kept in my handphone. Since my colleague was the one driving, so I got to drop the plan, thinking I could still post it after office hour at the post office in shopping mall which close only at 9pm.
After picking up my daughter and parents in law, we went for dinner at the shopping mall. After order food, I went straight to the post office and glad to see that there was hardly any people there ( except counter staff). Very soon my number was called, then I realized I didn't bring the photocopied but the original document. Then only I remembered I put it on my office table so that I would remember to take it to post. Sigh...mission failed again. Not to mention I also forgot to bring back the "Siew Pao"(Chinese baked pastries) that I bought on the way back from lunch for my parents in law.
I am used to be labelled as careless person, but it seems to get worse now. Am I getting more clumsy and forgetful due to my pregnancy? or its because I am getting older? Hope it won't get worse.

Pregnancy at 30 weeks

I normally like antenatal check up especially during the scanning time. Although most of the time I am not sure which part of the foetus on the screen although doctor do tell me if that's the head, leg or back bone, but I feel great to see the movement. Then the Gynae doctor will take the measurement and I will be glad to hear " baby is growing well and accordingly. Heart beat present."
However there is a part of the antenatal check up that I dislike : Urine test. After taking blood pressure and weight, then I have to take a bottle to collect midstream urine. It is abit easier during early pregnancy and I can still aim. However, as the tummy gets bigger, I can't see the stream anymore but just take the bottle trying to catch, hoping not to wet my finger ( hope!). On the other hand, I'll choose a squat toilet rather than toilet seat, it is easier but more straining on the legs, considering I am getting heavier with big tummy. Wish guys can experience the same to really feel how difficult it is to be a pregnant women.
My weight today register 73kg. I am already 1.5 kg extra compared to the weight on the day I am delivering my first child. I hope I won't go to 80kg when I deliver the second one. Considering the rate of weight gain of around 2kg per month, I might weigh around 77kg on the due date. Meaning I am likely to be around 70kg+ after confinement!( considering the rate of weight loss of merely 5kg after 1st pregnancy)! Hopefully taking care of 2 children will later help me slim down faster. sigh...