Toddler anxiety and fear

HE used to like preschool. Sometimes we even used to that to make her sleep by saying ' do you want to go to school tomorrow? then you better sleep now.' It works sometimes.

However, starting this sunday night, HE starts to tell me " mommy, I don't want to go to school", and she says it a few times, like making sure that I get her message. I thought she is just being 'manja'. Then she repeat the same the next night, it gets me thinking. I wonder if there is anything happen in the school.

I talk to babysitter, she inform that there is a new student in the school, who is dark in colour. HE does seem to have some colour discrimination, but I don't know that she will develop fear towards darker skinned colour person. In addition, there are mixed race in HE class, why she is fearful towards this particular child.

Yesterday, wednesday, she cried a lot at school till teacher is asking babysitter why also. I am concerned so I sms the principal. According to her, the new comer already attend the school since March. She suspect the change in HE could be due to the arrival of HE, my newborn baby. Although she seem to accept the new siblings, but 3 weeks later, toddler may feel insecure as they get the idea of ' this baby is going to stay at home forever, getting mother's attention permanently, the baby won't go away anymore'. She advise me to spend some one-to-one time with HE to ease her.
I think its probably true. I call babysitter again to see how's HE doing today (thursday). According to babysitter, she doesn't cry today probably because the new boy doesn't come today as the boy attends school on Mon, Wed and Friday only. So which one is explaining HE's change? What I can do now is just monitor. I also try to search online for barney video to see if there is anything that can help ease HE's fear towards stranger or particular skin colour. I am also figuring how to spend more time wih her without baby. Hope HE will be doing fine soon.

I survive doing confinement alone

Finally, my mother in law will be coming back today, and I gladly announce that I survive through the week doing confinement alone without my mother in law or confinement lady!

Basically everything goes according to my previous plan, except the part on the part time maid. My sister also stay around with me for certain time of the day, though she couldn't really help in taking care of baby, but at least she brought me delicious 'Char Siew Bao' and Soya drink.

My husband help the most, he helped to distract or entertain the elder daughter, or attend HX while I am in toilet or taking bath during weekend. He also did the laundry, dishes and sweep the floor. Throughout the whole week, during weekday, He also wake up earlier in the morning to boil the herbal bath solution, then place it at the bathroom for me . He took half day leave on 2 days also. Also he bought me a TV series to help me past time.

Also, HX also is a better sleeper. In the morning, she takes the last feed around 6-7am, then normally will sleep till around 9am. That's the time I can take to clean my face, brush my teeth and take my breaskfast, as well as pump also. I also boil water to be used for the day. My breakfast is simple, its 3 in 1 oats drink or Horlicks plus oat with 2 pieces of bread. Then when HX wakes up, I feed her first then give her a sponge bath. I am still not confident to bath her in the tub as I am concern with the physical restraint that I may have and also consider the umbilical cord is not quite dry fully. Midmorning till noon is the busiest time, when HX is awake and keep peeing and pooing, and I keep cleaning. Initially to save the trouble, I use disposable diapers all the time, then I notice that her bump seem to develop rash and small 'pimples', so I use 'lampin' instead. In addition, that's the busiest feeding time also, HX normally will settle around 1 to 2pm, after she is fed almost continunously, probably because she also keep pee and poo. I take shower with the herbal solution around 11am, then I take my catered confinement lunch around 1pm, regardless HX is asleep or not, but I make sure she is contented and not fussy.

HX sleep the best during afternoon, even she normally wakes up around 5 to 6pm, she is quik to settle to sleep till 7 or 8pm. Hence afternoon is my most free time. Though I am supposed to sleep whenever HX sleep, but I am just too awake. :). Around 6pm, I cook the rice to eat with the dishes I cater also. Then I pump around 7 or 8 plus, so that I can feed HX through bottle when she wakes up around that time. My husband and HE are back by then. After finish my favourite TV series at 9.30pm, its time for bed and I feed HX lying down. Of course, waking up a few times ( minimum 3 times) at night for feeding is the norm, but HX seems to sleep better at night now after each feed.

So I almost pass my days with the same routine. I am also able to catch up with some readings on the parenting books that I have bought sometimes ago. So far I have only finished reading one, that's considered an achievement as I hardly finish a book. Thank God for answering my prayer on giving me the strength to go through the confinement while I am alone and also on easier breastfeeding. As I have written in my previous post, once breastfeeding is ok, the rest can be easily settled. I also pray my post-delivery healing will be completed soon.:)

Sleep battle

Today is another day of struggle for getting HE to nap. As usual, she will start asking to be read at least one storybook, then want to cuddle baby, then walk around the bed, then telling me story...then ask for water, then ask for milk...this will last at least 1 hour before she can quiet down and slowly doze off. Everytime, HE never fail to get my nerve up to the brim during nap time till I said and do something that I regret. I really need references to help me solve this problem.

Sleep obstacle...again

Ever since I deliver HX, I am able to cope with everything, including doing confinement myself, except...on weekend, when I need to juggle between HE, a toddler and HX a newborn.

HE loves HX, though I am not sure it is out of sibling passion or just HE passion towards baby (a.k.a little toy that can move?) She like to touch her, hold her, hug her. As a parent, I got to allow her to 'sayang' her sister but also in the mean time I got to be extra careful to foresee any accidental 'extra force' inappropriately exerted on HX. It is both psychologically and physically challenging.:)

Anyway, today i am writing this post at 7am, my hubby and HE are out for breakfast. Why this early? That's because all of us has woke up and can't sleep anymore. Around 6 am, HE suddenly cry, while I am half body lying on the cot ( Ur hum...the cot is attached to my bed without rail in between), trying to put HX to sleep in her cot by feeding her. After trying to console HE and able to make her smile, HE become so awake that she want to have a look at the baby and be next to her. That's fine for me except HE also wants to touch her which I try to ask her not to as I want HX to sleep. As I prohibited certain 'passionate' action from HE, I think she got upset and throwing some mild tantrum, the way HE always do, just restless and make no sound but very sensitive to cry if any additional 'dose' from scolding or accidental knocking on objects around her. Hence one hour has past, its 7 am, everyone can't sleep, hence must as well get up and go for breakfast.

Except HX, she sleep.Just like before, she couldn't really settle in the cot, but once shifted to my bed, she can doze off peacefully and sleep soundly. My hubby commented that the mattress can be too 'cooling' for her. Hm...I think I got to change the 'condition' of the cot, probably add a towel beneath the bedsheet to make it more warm, or to get a mattress protector also. Hopefully, hopefully that solve the sleep issue. No wonder there are childcare books soley talk on sleep, apart from eating and discipline, it is so essentials and strategies are badly needed by sleep-deprived parents.

Mom & Baby Expo 2010

My confinement is only halfway through. But it will be ended on 5th May, meaning I may be in time for this expo. Hopefully can grab something at cheaper price, one thing in my mind is storage bags. So far I have bought total 150 bags. Currently I am using about 3 bags a day, meaning I will finish the bags in 50 days itself, not even over maternity leave yet. Also it should be time for me to breath some fresh air outside after being 'confined' for one whole month!

Sleep war

So far confinement has been ok for me. My mom in law has gone for her holidays last friday, so I will be on my own and HX only for the next one week before my mom in law come back from the trip to help out for the last week of confinement.

Actually the most difficult task for me is to juggle between a toddler and a baby, especially when it comes to nap time. HE is difficult to be put to sleep if she is not sleepy. She will ask for drink, milk or play whenever I try to put her to sleep. So it may take around 1 hour minimum before she finally get tire and sleep. Now with the baby, it is even harder. I have to keep urging, scolding, even sometimes threatening HE to ask her to stay put on the bed and hopefully sleep, while keeping an eye on HX in case she cries for milk. It will be easier if one of them sleep, allowing me to handle one at one time, however it is always not the case. HE will also ask to sleep beside HX, so sometimes I have to shift HX in between HE and I. If hubby or I happen to upset HE, she will throw tantrum. So far, one tantrum that I see is she kicking her legs here and there with no sense of direction. I feel sad to see that and lost of idea what to do. Wish I can find solution from books or any references.

One thing I am glad aboout is HX sleep better, compared to HE at HX age. However, I observe that she only sleep well when she is on the sofa or on my bed, NOT on her cot. She hardly settle on her cot. Whenever I transfer HX from my bed to the cot, she will wake up and kicking away. I wonder what's wrong with the cot, I thought the latex mattress should be more comfortable. Or HX prefer harder bed compared to soft bed? Anyway, I change the bedsheet and try to adjust the mattress ( I put the playpen latex mattress on top of the cot latex mattress)and see if it makes a difference. No matter how, HX got to learn to sleep well on the cot.

HX day 11

Today is another follow up at Dr Koe's clinic. Thank God there are less patients in the clinic. According to Dr Koe, HX jaundice is subsiding ( though to me she still looks jaundice). Although the umbilical cord has dropped, but the inner part of the unbilical area is still wet and not fully dry yet with some yellowish stuff. I am concerned about it as I am worried that it can get infection. Dr Koe has examined the area and she used a cotton bud with spirit to clean the area and add a little bit of fusidin ointment. However, she assured me that there is no infection as the umbilical area is not red and HX has no fever. Overall, HX has gained weight and grow bigger:

Weight : 3.2kg (Increased from 3.05kg 7 days ago)
Length : 52 cm (Increased from 48cm at birth)
Head size : 35cm (Increased from 33cm at birth)

On average, HX has gained around 21gm perday, meeting the minimum weight gain of 20g per day. I am so glad. Compared to last time, HE has problem of gaining weight, hence needing to supplement 3oz pumped milk 2-3 times a day. Sometimes I wonder whether it was because I didn't really latch HE properlay last time hence making her lack of milk intake, although the number of soiled and wet diapers showed adequacy.

For the past one week, HX basically sleep more in the morning and afternoon. At one point, she sleep so much till I am worried that the jaundice has worsen making her sleepy all the time. When the last feed is around 6 or 7am, HX can sleep till 10 or 11am. Then after my mom in laws gives her bath, she will be fed again around 12pm, sometimes she just sleep after only around max 15 mins, sometimes she is kicking away while I am having my lunch. Then she need to be fed almost continuously till 2pm before she sleep again. Then, after another feeding around 4-5pm, she can sleep through till 7-8pm. Then she is mostly awake till I make her sleep by feeding her around 10pm, as if she knows that's timing when sister and daddy are around.:)

I am glad that HX can sleep well, but she wake up more at night for milk. At night, she is asleep around 11pm, then 1am, 2am, 4 am, 5-6am. According to Gina Ford, there is a certain amount of milk a baby require, if a baby takes less during day time, the baby will wake up more at night to make up the total requirement. I suspect that's the case with HX. In addition, HX makes lots of sound when asleep, with some moro reflex too. Being a mother, I can be easily alerted whenever there is a sound or movement from HX, hence so far I couldn't have a quality sleep yet. Compared to HE last time, although I still wake up 2-3 times at night to feed, but I had good sleep in between. Hopefully HX orientation on day and night will be getting better and I do have a greedy hope that she can sleep through the night sooner:)

Postnatal blues...breastfeeding

As mentioned in my earlier post, HX is a better suckler. She suckle strongly. However, it is not easy to latch her properly. I have to attempt a few times before she is willing to be lactch on and suckle strongly. HX seem to be choosy, sometimes I manage to put whole areola into her mouth, but she would push it out with her tongue. As she can suckle strongly and my breastfeeding skill has dropped ( after one year not breastfeeding), on the very first night, I see blister on my nipples.Then it progresses to cracked nipples. They are painful. Whenever HX starts suckle, I feel a sharp pain till lifting up my leg, not to mention coping with the uterine pain and backache that come in the same time. It is really suffering.

On third day, my breasts are heavy. Mature milk is in. Hoo...the milk come earlier compared to HE time which come only on 5th day. I attempt to pump as HX couldn't empty them. However, I am so stupid that I forgot to adjust the suction setting of my Spectra 2. The moment I put the funnel on my right breast, blood shoot out! I am stunt at one moment. what happen! I see my right nipple bleeding. Later I adjust to lowest setting and managed to pump out 2 oz plus from bothe breast in 5 mins time. ( see the bottle on the left, that's the milk mixed with blood, compared to the milk pumped on other times)


Painful, painful, but at least the engorgement is relieved. Hence I need to see Dr Koe, not only for her to check HX jaundice but also to advise me on breastfeeding. True enough, we need to learn again how to breastfeed with every baby. Now HX is getting more patience, hence I am taking time to latch properly to ensure that she takes in big mouthful. Till now, a few attempts are still required for proper latching, hopefully we gets better once HX has better control of her head.

Postnatal blue...

After delivering HX, I have to say that this time is different compared to when I deliver HE 3 years ago

1. Emotion
I am more stable this time, probably I already know what to expect with a newborn and what I am supposed to do. Last time, I feel like my whole world is upside down, and changes was so drastic to me that I feel hard to keep up. Now, the challenge I need to overcome is how to cope with a newborn and a toddler, other than that, they are all within my expectation. Hence, life wise, I am pretty coping well.

2. Physical condition
This is the one out of my expectation. When I delivered HE, I don't need pain medicine at all. I can walk well with energy within 12 hours of delivery. However, this time round, I really walk like a gentle Japanese women in her kimono or an ancient chinese women with 3 inch foot. If I stand longer, I can start to feel shaky leg. Really weak! I also can't really sit for long without feeling ache at my back. Is it the side effect of epidural? or its simply because my stamina drop badly after 3 years. I can also feel heaviness at the tummy area which make my movement even slower.
while on pitocin drip, I don't feel pain at my tummy area, so I thought I should be able to cope without the need of analgesic. However, on the next day, I started to feel the uterine contraction. 3 years ago, I only feel it whenever I breastfeed HE, but now, I feel the pain regularly, the pain is so intense that I am feeling I am almost back to the labour room! The pain continue for the next 3 days. I frown and almost want to curl my body whenever the uterine contraction come. According to 'What to expect when you are expecting' the pain is greater when there was previous birth or the uterine muscle is overstretched. I think both explain when I suffer the pain so badly. The pain is relieved a bit better when I have an indon to 'urut' me. There seem to have another traditional believe that the pain is due to the blood clots inside the uterus. It seem quite true, after 'urut', more blood clots are seen on my pad. There is one day, I am so frightened to see a big blood clot on day 7 postdelivery, after I feel heaviness and pain at my lower tummy area again.
Apart from that, I also experience backache and headache. the ache at my left waist area woould emerge whenever the uterine contractions and pain start. But I think massage really help, after first session, the pains were less, I walk better, sit better and physically more capable.

3. Breastfeeding
see my next post.

Frakly speaking, there are many antenatal classes teaching which normally cover baby care, pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding but many don't touch on what to expect on the changes on new mother physically and emotionally and how to cope with it. At least certain confinement myths may be discussed and what could be wrong on moms body if certain things happen. I think many moms including myself would have stopped reading further once reach labour chapter and continue reading on babycare instead. Only now, when I feel more weak and much painful uterine contractions then I flip to the chapter on postpartum to understand why, just in case anything goes wrong. Sigh...we women is really betting our lifes on our children.

When HE sees HX

On the very night HX was delivered, she was already introduced to HE. My husband went to pick HE from babysitter place to visit me and HX. As expected, HE was very excited to see baby. I don't expect she understand what sister mean. I let HE touched HX, telling her that the baby is her sister, she need to 'sayang' her. Then HE attempt to hold HX while my mother in law supported the baby head and bottom.

Then HE saw the IV drip on my hand, she asked if I had fallen down, was it painful? I just told her there was a needle. SHe frowned and looked feeling sorry for me. When I went to toilet, HE saw my pad that was filled with blood, as I couldn't really closed the door due the drip. "what is that?" I felt sorry to let her see that as I thought it frightened her till she dare not use the toilet though she looked having the urge.

Later, as HE needed to leave with the babysitter, she was quiet. As I said bye bye to her, she didn't reply back, nor waving her hand. At first I didn't sense it, until my mom in law made face to me, then I suddenly realize that HE could be feeling sad that tonight she couldn't go home to sleep with daddy and mommy. Oh...

The next day, according to my mom in laws, HE behaved well and slept right after coming back from hospital. In the evening, she came home and again excited to see that baby was at home. "why baby come here?", "why baby is here, mommy?" we just replied her that this is baby home too. Then HE couldn't stopped touching HX, " yee...this is baby hand, this is baby leg, they are so small!" HE was really excited and she gagged all the time.

Night time, time to sleep. I went in with HX first, attempting to put her to sleep. Then hubby was supposed to sleep with HX at the living hall at the moment until we were ready for foursome. After spending an hour trying to put HX to sleep, I heard HE was crying outside, I could tell it was a sad cry and I normally hear that when HE accidentally knocked her head. A few burst of crying was heard, I thought HE was hurt. The next day, I asked my husband and mother in law, according to them, HE looked wanting to but hesitating to go into the room. HE didn't say or demand to sleep in the bedroom, but she kept going to and fro, watching the bedroom door. I almost teared out when I heard that, poor HE...she was such an understanding girl. No wonder the next morning, she straightaway came into the bed room with her pillow and bolster and want to cont sleeping on the bed although it was time to go to preschool.

Hence, we attempted to have 4 of us in the bedroom, HE, HX and I on the bed while husband on the floor. That very night, though it was pretty difficult to put HE to sleep as she kept wanted to look at HX, stroking and playing with her, husband and I managed to let HX and HE to sleep. It was a busy night for hubby and I. It was more challenging for mer as I had to watch out for HE for not falling off the bed at one end or hit HX on another end while attending the milk demand from HX. Hoo... After 3 nights, we set up the bed rail, and I would transfer HX to the cot ( which was attached to the queen size bed) once HX was asleep, to give four of us a sound sleep. Until we can figure out better solution, that was our sleep arrangement at the moment.

Now HE began to call HX by name. She didn't fuss even when she recognized that HX was wearing the clothes that she had once wore before. When I mentioned to her that she need to share toys and things with HX, she would repeat the words and seems not rejecting the idea. Every now and then, HE wanted to kiss HX and smell her. HE liked to ask " what smell is this" as she put her nose on HX head and 'sniff'. " baby smell lo" I replied. In the morning, if He woke up early in the morning and saw baby, she would tut her hand on HX head and stroke gently while closing back her eye. HE would also demand to sleep next to the baby, which I always rejected due to obvious reason. Lets hope HE and HX could get along well. :)

Newborn Jaundice

Another postnatal that I prayed hard about was no more neonatal jaundice in the baby. Although I knew that it was common especially among East Asian and even more prone in mother with blood type 0, which I am.

HE looked jaundice on the very second day of life. HX...a bit better, but tinge of yellow was observed especially when she cried on second day. On 4th day, I decided to bring her to the nearest clinic to have a blood test. Though I prefered to go Dr Koe's clinic, I dread the long que. Hence husband and I headed off to the paed clinic at Taman Pertama, Cheras, the paed that my babysitter used to bring the children to see.

There were not many patients, HX was weighed : 3kg. Very soon we were called in. Once in, the paed asked me to sit in front of him. Without informing me, he pull my knee to be in touh with his knee, so that the baby was placed between my and his thigh. I felt so uneasy but kept quiet. " so you want to check for jaundice." emotionless tone. " hm...baby does look yellowish, lets do blood test, but you had to sent to Pantai Cheras to analyse." Then he took the needle, failed, needle drop on the table, he had a hard time picking it up with his hand with oversize glove. Then, he insert in the needle, drop by drop, he collected the blood into the tube. The blood taking took so long! HX was screaming all the way. At that moment, I was so regret that I didn't bring her to Dr Koe's clinic. The last time HE was being taken blood, she was breastfed and blood was drawn in a flash.

Not sure it was due to exhaustion of screaming, HX slept right after blood sampling was drawn. After waited for around 1/2 hour, the result came : Bilirubin level was 239umol/L or 14gm/dL. We were called in again, the paed commented that the level was considered high at 4th day of life, and expected to rise further till peaked at day 7-8. Hence he wrote a letter of referral for admission. sigh, in my mind, history happen again...

While on the way to hospital, I called up the neonatologist whom I know to ask for opinion. After giving the details, he didn't think baby need to be admitted and 239 was low. However, as I am blood type 0, husband blood type B, he advised for second blood test the next day, in case baby had ABO incompatibility, furthermore, HX blood type was not done before discharged. Hence we headed home instead.

The next day, we went to Dr Koe's clinic. HX was weighed again: 3.05kg. From 11am till 1pm I waited. Before going to clinic, I had already started packing baby and my stuff, ready to be admitted to the hospital. In addition, HX looked more yellowish compared to last night. Once being attended, Rightaway, Dr Koe checked HX eye, mouth, leg, private part...(which the previous paed didn't do at all). Then she checked my breastfeeding technique and corrected the latching. She taught me again how to latch baby with cradle position and lying down position so that cracked nipple won't happen again.

As I was expecting that she would take a blood sample, Dr Koe came in again and asked if I had any query. I asked if blood test needed, she commented that HX jaundice didn't look that bad, not like her sister HE, hence blood test was not necessary and I could go home with antibiotic ointment for my nipples. I was so glad to hear that! Thank God, thank God!

HX day 1 and 2

On 5th April 2010, 1749, HX was borned at birth weight of 3.19kg. Same as the elder sister, she opened up her eye browsing the world right after delivery. There was a dimple at her left cheek, almost like my husband family. However, the nurse also informed to the gynae that a whitish hard lump was found at the left thigh. We were later informed by the Paed that the lump shouldn't be worrisome but just need monitoring.

After she was cleaned up, HX was put on my chest to be breastfed. Although I had already had breastfeeding experience, I had to admit that HX was good in suckling and she suckled strongly. Hearing HX swallowing the milk was so satisfying.

Back to the ward, I was still prescribed pitocin infusion for further 6 hours. I felt really exhausted post delivery. I passed out lots of urine and 'gas' too. Only after that, I felt more alert and was able to take my dinner.

Later at night, while there were only husbad, I and HX, HX began rooting for milk. I breastfed her, thought she would be well fed and sleep for the next hour just like when I fed her around 8pm. However, same things happened again when I had HE, just this time it was more challenging as HX seemed to be less patience. When I failed to latch her probably, she would cry and became fussy. At certain times, she even cried till there was tears! As I couldn't really sit for long, I breastfeed her at lying position. With that position and the jelly like baby, it wasn't easy to latch her on. Furthermore the nurses were not helping at all. At one moment, a nurse came in with a bottle of formula 'baby lapar ke, nak bagi susu?". Another time, I got worried when HX kept hiccuping, hence I called nurse in, 2 nurses came, they commented the room could be cold and asked to put the baby in nursery as there was no aircond, when I asked her if they could bring to me the baby whenever she cried for milk, I could tell the hesitation, even near to frowning face, ' kalau you nak baby dengan U, U kena off aircond." ok, fine, I opted to off aircond though I was sweating away and also the fact that HX kept sneezing.

The whole night, I kept struggling latching on HX, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. She fussed, cried, sometimes screams. At certain times, she would let go and cried to the point I was worried that she might have stuffed nose that make her refuse to be fed. I kept praying, so that she had no respiratory problems, as that would really put an end to breastfeeding.

Things was not quite improved the next day. Fussiness continued during feeding time, though there were times she was settled. I managed to pull through and HX behaved when my colleagues drop by to visit me. After waited for paed to examine her, we were ready to be discharged around 4 plus pm.

HX birth story

Finally, after one week of birth, I could find time to write about it.
I thought the baby wanted to choose to be delivered on Easter day, however, no news. Hence hubby and I packed on Monday morning and head to hospital for labour induction.

I was hoping that I didn't need any induction as I thought the past contractions that I experienced could have open the cervix. While waiting for the Gynae to come, I experienced contractions at 15 mins interval. True enough, it was opened around 2 cm plus, and my Gynae helped to open it to 3 while examining me. I was relieved, guess today was truely the day God wanted the baby to be out. ( If count by the clock of western countries, still considered as Easter baby, right?). Then a nurse came in to administer the enema. I never thought that the ravin enem administration could be that awful. I had to keep breathing in and out while the nurse administered the enema as it was really PAINful! somemore there were 2 enema to be in! However, before the second enema could be finished, I had to rush to toilet already. It was like a bad diarrhoea till I needed to hold to the rail beside the toilet till 'the business' finished.

Then, around 11 am plus, I was wheeled down to the labour room. I was changed and put on the straps for CTG monitoring. I practically need to lie on the bed and couldn't really move as it would affect the CTG readings. At 1.30pm, cervix opening was checked again, "3cm still" hence I was put on IV pitocin to speed up the progress. The contractions began to be more intense, but I could still bear and even talk. Urine urge came and I was prohibited from going to toilet. I was offered to urinate on the sheet or put on catheter. Wanted to have as minimal intervention as possible, I opted for pad. Though the urge was there but I couldn't really urinate by lying down. It was quite awful especially when contractions came. Once finally the urine was out, it was more than I expected." relieve but feel awful again". Therefore, when the next urge came, plus knowing that full bladder could affect the cervix opening, I asked for catheter. The insertion of the catheter was painful, again, urgh...600ml urine was out, that much!! Around 3pm, my Gynae came to check on me again. 4cm. Huh! after all the effort! Then she left, informing me that she would come back again around 6pm. I was already in painful contractions, 3 more hours to bear?

IV pitocin was continued to be up, my contractions was getting more and more intense and regular. Unlike the previous medicine, this IV pitocin gave me no room to breath. Though the major contraction came and go like wave, there was still a part remained contracted while another wave came again. This was really bad, though I could practice the relaxing breathing exercise quite well, it was so painful! In the mean time, I experienced ache at my waist, and to me, it was even more unbearable. I was lying on my side as that's best position for me to overcome the contraction pain and to relieve from the 'waist ache'. However, that position didn't favour the CTG recording. I was asked to lie flat on bed again while bearing all the pain. urgh!...

Around 4pm, my contractions got too regular and intense, I couldn't bear and started to shiver. I just didn't care and lie on my left. That had affected the CTG readings and it looked like fetal in distress. The midwife came in and checked again. Cervix opening was still 4cm! IV pitocin was stopped but it didn't help, the intensity and the intervals ( less than a min apart) remained as it was. I couldn't bear and asked for epidural. However, the anaest was still in OT. When the anaest was finally here, the CTG readings was not good enough for epidural yet ( which I thought it was due to my position). I was asked to lie real flat on bed ( a position that I felt most uncomfortable).

Finally the CTG was considered good enough to have epidural. I had to sit up while the anaest was inserting the needle to my back. Contractions pain was still there, stretching was stronger now. The feeling was like the 'bowel' was stretch opened still. A numb sensation was felt at my right leg, due to the epidural ( I thought it should be bilateral?. Another insertion was done again, a sensation was felt again at my right leg, till I had involuntary lift of my right leg. ( contractions pain was stil there) At this time, a pushing force started!

Quickly, my back was put on plaster and had to be lied on the back again ( I really hate this position). PE was done, 5cm, 6cm, 7cm. "It was pushing, pushing!" I was asked to streth my legs straight to 'tahan' the pushing, while waiting for Gynae to come. I 'tahan', 'tahan'... finally gynae came. I almost beg ' Can I push now?". Baby head was already crowning. I pushed..pushed. Finally baby was out! I feltso so relieved...and exhausted. This was harder than the first one.